


I Can Hold My Breath Forever

by headfirstfrhalos



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Extended Metaphors, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, POV Second Person, Symbolism, ambiguous ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-26
Updated: 2015-06-26
Packaged: 2018-04-06 05:44:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4210173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/headfirstfrhalos/pseuds/headfirstfrhalos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A long time ago, your friend dove into a deep pond and never came back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can Hold My Breath Forever

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story based off the short game 'I Can Hold My Breath Forever' written and coded by Jake Elliot in 2010. I played the game and found it very touching, which is why I wrote this little story based off of it. It took me only a few hours or so so I apologize for any mistakes. I hope you enjoy it.

You stand on the edge of the pond. It was small but deep; you and Tyler once dropped in a stone and watched it sink away from the sunlight for what felt like hours. Tyler. Your best friend. He had jumped into this pool years ago; only now are you deciding to follow him.

You take a deep breath, looking up at the sun for what you felt would be the last time. You pinch your nose and pencil-dive into the water.

It was cool and frothy, small minnows swirling about you in a frenzy. You and Tyler would swim together on hot summer days, feeling as magical as merpeople as you watched him twist and writhe like a strange sea creature. He was always a good swimmer.

You kicked the water down, pushing yourself deeper and away from the light. Already your ears felt a burning pressure. You ignored it, looking for the entrance to the caves. It was getting darker and your lungs started to hurt. You sighed the air from your chest and felt yourself sink faster. 

You found the entrance to the cave after a few seconds of searching. The tunnel expanded beneath you and you saw the glowing fish Tyler would always talk about. You never saw them. You could never dive as deep as he could. The cave ended in front of you, pushing you upwards to an air-filled cavern. You rocketed for it, desperate for breath. 

You could only lay on the shore coughing and wheezing for a few minutes. The air in here was stale-smelling and damp and completely dark, but it was air. You pushed your hair out your eyes, and you see a white rectangle a few feet away. Curious, you reach for it, dripping water onto the brown stones. You pinched the edges of the paper, trying not to ruin the elegant writing with your wet hands. You sat near the edge of the water as the small glowing fish splashed along, giving you enough light to read. 

 

_My Dear Friend,_

_When I dove into that small pond, I knew it might take some time for you to come along. I hope you've found this letter, it took me a while to get enough light for me to write this. My eyes have yet to adjust to the dark._

 

You read the note several times. You didn't know he wrote to you. Well of course you didn't, it's not like he could tell you. You want to fold up the note and take it with you, but you see where your hands have soaked the paper and you leave it behind. You dive back into the water, scattering the fish.

The sunlight is long gone by now. You can't help but feel afraid, in the dark caverns with nothing but the darting fish to light your way. The cave goes on straight, and eventually opens up to a four-way intersection. You're out of breath by now, and your instincts tell you to swim up, to find air before you faint and lose any chance of finding Tyler. And just when you feel as if you're about to pass out, you can feel the pressure on your body lighten up and you're breathing.

 

_My Dear Friend,_

_I hope you haven't found this letter, it means you've taken a wrong turn. This tunnel seems to be a dead end; I will backtrack a bit and then dive deeper downward. How deep and dark this cave must be._

 

He's right. This air pocket doesn't seem to go anywhere. You'll have to dive back down.

You make it back to that weird little intersection and press forward. There's another note at the next air space. 

 

_My Dear Friend,_

_Do you remember the small green fish we used to see in this pond? They were so cute, but I guess they prefer the shallow water, I don't see them down here. I miss them. I miss you, already._

 

You and Tyler spent a lot of time at the pond, watching those little fish. The pond was where you met, actually. You had tried to go fishing when you were twelve and accidentally hooked his swimming trunks. He had been angry, yes, but the both of you left that day as best friends. You press on.

 

_My Dear Friend,_

_It's been hours now! I wonder if you're just behind me. I know moving through these caves must be a bit slower with your limitations._

 

Hours? It's felt like a mere blink of an eye! You look at your hands. They're wrinkled from their time in the water. You don't know how he managed this.

 

_My Dear Friend,_

_Out of the corner of my eye I saw something move back there and thought it might be you; maybe you had somehow passed me! But it was just one of those glowing fish. Please hurry, I want to see you again!_

 

You miss him. You miss him so much. You knew what he was writing about; of seeing something through the edges of your vision and thinking it's him. But it's never him and you hate yourself whenever you fool yourself into thinking he's there. But you love him more than you hate yourself, and you keep thinking back to the time he made you promise to follow him wherever he went. Starstruck at fourteen, you said yes. But you couldn't,  _wouldn't_ follow when he was seventeen and decided he belonged to the water. 

You wonder if Tyler will forgive you for taking so long.

 

_My Dear Friend,_

_It's so dark here. I can't see well in the dark. And you can't hold your breath for long! It will be difficult for both of us._

 

Every minute you spend here is torture. It's so dark and the fish move so fast, and the little air you can get is thick and choking. You're exhausted, and you know you're less than halfway there. A part of you wants to float back towards the surface and stay in the sun that you know. A part of you wants to do what everyone else has done and forget about Tyler and move on. A part of you doesn't want to keep looking because it's so dark and crushing here. It's not exciting and romantic like it was when you were younger, it's frightening being here so deep without Tyler. You clutch at your chest and convince yourself to keep going.  

 

_My Dear Friend,_

_I stopped here for breakfast. I wonder: now that you're reading this, you must be quite deep in the caves. I've been here for months... does it feel like home to you?_

 

You have a lot of questions. Months? Home? What was Tyler eating? The glowing fish? Perhaps the seaweed that grows on the cave walls? You don't know. You're still afraid, and now you're afraid for Tyler. 

You were always afraid for Tyler. He was always on-edge, thinking about dangerous things, always at risk for something. He was always the lost sheep of the herd, wandering off to see if hemlock and poison ivy tasted good. His athletic build hid a vulnerability very few people saw, and you couldn't help but worry when he started doing something, whether it be climbing trees or taking three am walks. You hope he's not starving or losing his mind. 

You swim on for a while, feeling the now-cold water press your ribs together. You make it to another air pocket, and sigh in relief when it smells and tastes fresher than the others. 

 

_My Dear Friend,_

_What an enormous, beautiful cavern! How are you stomaching the pressure? Well, I have to go now!_

 

His handwriting is shaking and looping, perhaps with joy, perhaps with exhaustion, perhaps both. You spend several minutes here, breathing in precious, final breaths of fresh air before moving on. You end up in a cave where the water is pressed vertically. It's really weird and you almost overlook Tyler's note because you're spending so much time staring at it. 

 

_My Dear Friend,_

_I'm sure you've noticed the strange behavior of the water... down here water and air are always pushing each other into the strangest positions._

 

You end up stepping on the note with your bare foot and you apologize to the note and to Tyler.

 

_My Dear Friend,_

_I stopped here to rest my eye and stretch. I was thinking of you and the meals we used to cook together. Soon I hope we will be making cave pies!_

 

Both you and Tyler were good cooks. The nights you'd spend together were always flourished with a wonderful meal, often filled with fish and pepper and rice. You don't know what a cave pie is, but you're willing to see what they are.   

 

_My Dear Friend,_

_Has it really been a year? I was looking at that little leatherbound calendar you gave me and the realization just hit me. Oh how I hope you will catch up with me soon!_

 

You gave Tyler that notebook for his fifteenth birthday. He could never remember the day or the time or what he was supposed to be doing that week. In fact, he had forgotten it was his birthday when you gave it to him at the park. You remember his pleasantly confused expression when you said 'Happy birthday!' and presented it to him with a small purple bow. After a few moments of laughter and appreciation, you both fell silent. He turned to you with an odd expression, his face framed by the falling orange leaves of autumn. It was your turn to be happily shocked when he kissed you. 

 

_My Dear Friend,_

_I am a bit embarrassed to tell you this: I just spent most of a week running in circles! These tunnels are so confusing. I hope you don't get too lost, starlight. Well, time to press on._

 

You could agree with him. The constant fear of making a wrong turn and running out of air weighed heavily on your mind. It's honestly a miracle you haven't gotten lost or died yet. Maybe you weren't as bad at diving as you thought.

 

_My Dear Friend,_

_These glowing fish are a TREMENDOUS help! And also some comfort; it has been years since I jumped into that pond. They're nothing like the flowers on land, though. I remember when you'd bring them to me and say that I was more beautiful than any of them. I didn't always feel like it, but I'd feel happy anyways. I would have asked you to bring some when you came to visit me, but I don't think they'd survive in the water for so long._

 

You brought him flowers for the first time the year after he kissed you, on Valentine's day. A dozen ruby-red roses, cliché but still beautiful. You showed up on his doorstep, expecting him to answer and instead seeing his mother. You blushed as red as the roses you were holding when she asked you if they were for Tyler. She sat you on their loveseat and took so many pictures. You still have them at home. The two of you acted bashful around his family, but as soon as you were dismissed to his room, any and all boundaries melted away like frost under a finger. 

Tyler was absolutely beautiful in so many different ways, in every single way. He was beautiful when he was talking, beautiful when he was thinking, achingly beautiful when he was stretching his neck towards the heavens, legs wrapped tight around your waist and flushed hands pressed tight to full, red lips to silence himself.

Yes, Tyler was beautiful. 

 

_My Dear Friend,_

_It's a bit terrifying, isn't it? Such a long drop, I don't see how we could climb back. I've spent a month here already, working up the courage..._

 

He never told you why he left. You never even saw him leave, he had slipped out from your sleeping grasp and found the pond by the light of the moon all those years ago. The only thing he left behind was a scrap of paper saying 'follow me'. You didn't understand what he meant, you didn't want to, you wanted to think he was dead like everyone else and you wanted to want a body to bury like everyone else. But deep down in your heart, in the darkest, most cramped corner darker and smaller than the caves you were currently in, you knew he was alive. You knew you _had_ to follow him. But you didn't want to. You pretended he died, pretended you never lost him the way you did, you'd tell the people you'd meet that your boyfriend had drowned, not run away. 

You hated that. You never liked lying, and everything was so quiet without Tyler there to fill the silence with his soft, cracking melodies, so dull without his espresso-shot eyes recharging the world around you. You managed to hate yourself for five years before coming back to the pond. And here you were now, standing at the top of a cliff. The water was still beneath you and glowed invitingly, but that didn't make it any less terrifying. It would be a forty-foot fall, at least. But you were tired of hating yourself, and it was too late to turn back. You pinched your eyes shut and leapt off the edge, feeling your insides boil inside you as you fell. 

 

_My Dear Friend,_

_The pressure down here, what a headache! I have a tip: chew on some of the tough seaweed. I hope you find this note, some day. I know I've said this already, but I miss you._

 

You sank a couple dozen feet before stopping. You were in pain, but alive, which is quite amazing. You ignore this miracle, however, in search of a greater one. You start swimming again, coming across the seaweed Tyler mentioned earlier. You tear a chunk off and chew it. It tastes like gooey spinach, but the pressure in your head dissipates almost immediately. You bless Tyler Joseph and continue. The tunnel suddenly turns upwards, going up several hundred feet from what you can estimate. This is going to be difficult. 

 

_My Dear Friend,_

_I must be getting old, that climb took a lot out of me. I hope someday you will know what I mean. You were the only one that ever did._

 

Tyler loved speaking in metaphors. His favorites always involved the stars. He would compare you to the Northern Lights, the Magellanic Clouds, the smears of the Milky Way, he'd coronate you with the most beautiful words he could think of and you would never feel that you were any of those things. He'd seal your lips by pressing his own to them, and the way he made you feel helped you believe him, a bit. 

Sometimes he was hard to understand. He'd spend his time climbing the highest trees, stretching his hands out to the moon. You'd beg him to come down and he'd send you the filthiest glare he could manage. He needed this, he said. You'd ask him why. He never came up with any answers. 

But you love him anyway. 

You carry on, searching. You feel like you're getting closer, though you don't know how you know. You swim through bobby-pin turns and twists, going up. You splash onto the edge of another cliff, this one a little lower than the first, thank god. There's a note, and you know it's the last one. You wipe your hands on the gravel and pick it up with reverence.  

 

_My Dear Friend,_

_When we were children, I dove into a small pond. Now we are both older, and there's nothing left for me to explore. I will wait for you here in the water. But there's no_ _need for you to hurry. I can hold my breath forever._

_Love, Tyler_

 

You set the note down. Your heart is quaking, and not from oxygen deprivation. There's a lot more light down in that place, and it's glowing as blue as it was at the surface of the pond. He's there. You know. You sit down, dangling your feet over the edge. _Just this one last jump,_ you think,  _and I can see Tyler again. It's been so long. I can do this._

You don't shut your eyes when you leap into the water. 

* * *

 

You stare at him with wide eyes. He's really there. He really waited for you, after all those years, smiling at you like he never left. You think your heart will burst out of your chest. You bob deep in the water, not caring if you'll never surface because Tyler's _there_ and _you're there_ at the same time after five years of hating yourself and now you're not hurting anymore and you feel as if a great weight has been lifted off your chest. He's there and you're there so it doesn't matter that he can hardly be called human, metamorphosed after years in the water living on luminescent fish because  _he's so beautiful._  

Your lungs are screaming for air and your head feels light but it doesn't matter because now you can say,  

_Tyler! Look!_ _I can hold my breath too!_

**Author's Note:**

> There's more than one meaning to this story. Tell me what you think it is.


End file.
